Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Not missing it at all

So, second day of classes, and let me tell you.
There is NOTHING I miss about the music major.
I guess that means I made the right decision.

I'm almost done feeling weird that I don't want to spend my life devoted to my saxophone anymore. At first, like I said, I felt like I wouldn't be the same person anymore. But I was talking to my dad on the phone today, and he said that aside from band being a social thing, maybe it was because I'm competitive and needed a challenge.

Not to brag, but I guess I'm pretty smart. I was placed in the gifted class...in first grade. I took multiple AP classes in high school. I'm not much of a math person, or a math-based science person (you want me to take chem? Physics? COUNT ME OUT.) but other than that I don't think enough of my grade school classes challenged me. Especially not in elementary or middle school, when there weren't different levels of classes. Then, one day in fifth grade, we all had to watch a presentation on musical instruments. I thought, hey, clarinet could be fun! So I picked it up. Then another day in seventh grade, I decided I wanted to be in jazz band. No clarinets in jazz band. Mr. Band Teacher, can I play saxophone in jazz band? Sure, if you play tenor sax, you can play it in concert band too. We need more. I really loved saxophone even from the beginning. It was fun, and then came the challenges. As a competitive, smart girl who didn't like playing team sports and had some natural musical ability, this was my activity, and how good did it make me feel when, after weeks of practicing hard, I made first saxophone in middle school jazz band? Or got into the top concert band in high school? It made me feel like I was WORTH something, and to a girl who had had self-esteem issues due to acne in the past, that was a godsend. Even maybe my college audition and being accepted into the School of Music was a way of one-upping the two male saxophone players who my band director in high school placed in front of me, even though everyone knew I was a better musician. He played favorites.

But then I got to college.
Let me tell you, I was being challenged PLENTY.
Playing saxophone became work, my job, a chore.
It lost its fun, and I burnt myself out on it.
Now I haven't touched my saxophone in about 2-3 months, and not missing it.

Of course I can't just stop being a musician. But now I fancy myself a vocalist. I'm going to try out for one of our pop a cappella groups here in college to satisfy the part of me that still enjoys practicing and performing music. But I've been bitten by the musical theater bug, and it's the new way I do music. Times change, and so do I, but that's a good thing.

Bottom line: I'm happy. I can't tell if I like my classes yet, because all we've been doing is discussing the syllabi, but I'm excited to dive into learning completely new things (not just building on music I already knew). Journalism, advertising, and tourism are new avenues for me. Also, not that it's related, but I'm happy to be going to the gym again. Ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes today at an embarrassingly low 3.2 while other college kids plugged away like they were running a marathon. But whatever. I haven't worked out much this summer, and I'm building myself back up. And I have a job. Busy already, but in a good way.

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